What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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