Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
