You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
