worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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