I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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