Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
