I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
