the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
