get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
