Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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