so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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