and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
