someone threw a dead crab at me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
