Are we in a gay sports bar?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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