She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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