I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
