I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
