Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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