Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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