Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
