I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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