I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
