I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
