Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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