turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
