who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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