Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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