So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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