don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So many bounce houses so little time
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
