so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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