i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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