Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
