It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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