so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
