Define "chronic" masturbator.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
