we made out on top of his cat.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
