btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
