there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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