is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
