I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's always time for handjobs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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