So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
