Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
