Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
