Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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