just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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