Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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