i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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