How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize