i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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