That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
