I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
