Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
