In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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