I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
