Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
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She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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