If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How external is "for external use only"?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
