i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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