Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
