Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
