Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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