i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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