She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
