I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
