My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
