stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
