I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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