After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
