When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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